Why so serious, G? We’re in a depression. Fuck what the media tells you. What do they know? Fear gets higher ratings. I cannot solve all of your problems at once, but I can try and make you laugh. Here are 5 creative ways to find a job in 2011 that you might not have thought of.
1. Offer sexual services. One blow job for a steady paycheck. You do the math.
2. Use all caps in your cover letter. The HR drone who processes the paperwork will probably throw your resume in the garbage, but it was going to happen anyway. At least you stand out from the crowd.
3. Rather than attach your resume, send them your Grandmother’s secret Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe. Then send a follow up email saying you demand a meeting as you promised to take the secret recipe to your grave.
4. Threaten to kill yourself if you don’t get the job during the interview. Best case, you get the job. Worst case, they lock you up – but then you won’t have to worry about finding a job.
5. Beg. What’s wrong with good old fashioned begging? Huh? Tell me. What’s wrong with it? Come on. Tell me….
Let us know how these tips worked out for you!