Photo by G.
Madonna has leaked all over the internet! No I am not referring to complications from her obvious plastic surgery/botox disaster of a face. I am referring to her latest album “MDNA,” which will be released worldwide on March 27, 2012. Normally, this would be where I go into a diatribe about how obvious it is that the record companies are leaking music and then claiming “poor me” syndrome when sales of lackluster music fail to break chart records, but we can save that conversation for another day. Before I give you my two cents on “MDNA,” let me tell you a few things – I have been a Madonna fan since 1983 and if she did what the real Queen of Pop, Kylie Minogue, is doing which is having an “anti-tour” where she’s only playing obscure and unreleased songs and ZERO hits, I’d come running back to the Queen of C-word (Controversy), faster than the walls of Madonna’s Vagina Fly Trap close in on hot young Brazilian boys. I’ve been very dissatisfied with the majority of Madonna’s music over the last 10 years and judging from the first single “Give Me All Your Luvin,” which is possibly the worst and most embarrassing single she’s ever released, I walk into this album with an open mind, but with the probability that I am going to be very disappointed. I realize that speaking any bad words about Madonna is obviously going to piss off some die-hards, but seriously, she may have a religious name but the similarity ends there! So here we go…
1. Girl Gone Wild – It’s obvious that Madonna has lost the young gay contingent to Lady Gaga, so the album starts off with a dance track trying to get the gays back. The song unfortunately sounds too much like “Celebration,” from her greatest hits album, which was a very lackluster song. This is more of the same. I wouldn’t say it’s awful per se’, but in the iPod generation, I don’t envision this is going to be a song I listen to a lot, but with a generic dance beat and the fact that most gays stopped setting trends and started following them, perhaps this will be a hit?
2. Gang Bang – Wow! This is a song unlike any Madonna has ever done and it’s fantastic! It’s got a sparse beat and tracks like this are the reason I’ve stuck by Madonna’s side even when I am not digging the overall picture of what she’s doing. This song has some obvious jabs to her ex-husband Guy Ritchie (like “shot my lover in the head”) and by the end of the song she talks about going to hell and when she’s there she’s going to shoot her lover in the head over and over again! The song ends with a dramatic and hilarious chant of “Die, Bitch!” According2g, the album is worth getting just for this song… and we still have a lot of tracks to go!
3. I’m Addicted – Standard fare Madonna dance track that does a 180 degree turn from Madonna talking about shooting her lover in the head. This song shows Madonna talking about being “addicted to your love,” and how she “can’t get enough.” Bipolar much? The end of the track has Madonna singing “M. D. N. A” over a trancey beat. If you’re going to say your name in a song, this is how you do it, according2g.
4. Some Girls – Trance/Dance. Madonna is obviously taking jabs at all the “other girls” by describing their flaws and saying that “some girls are not like me.” Madge, to be a martyr, you have to die for your beliefs. You can’t just talk about destroying your ego and then have the biggest one on the planet if you REALLY want street cred. She has thinly disguised her jealousy at not being the reigning pop princess anymore by saying stuff like “some girls make a scene/crying in their limousine.” I wonder who that is aimed at? Perhaps it’s aimed at singers she’s clearly been listening to much more than she’ll ever admit?
5. I Don’t Give A – Another great track. It has a chunky beat and is mid-tempo. Madonna talks about all the things she does (and how she does 10 things at once) and if you don’t like it, she doesn’t give a ____! She doesn’t actually drop the F-bomb in this track. The lyrics are a companion to “Give it 2 Me” from her last album “Hard Candy,” as she talks about how she can outlast everyone – and frankly, you’ve got to hand it to Madonna. She’s pretty light on talent in comparison to her true genius – marketing – and she’s never left the spotlight for long in over 25 years! The middle of the song has a rap by Nicki Minaj and there it is – the slam on Lady Gaga! Minaj says “you are more original than Gaga.” Sad that Madonna thinks she needs to remind people of this, but like I’ve said ad nauseam, Madonna pretends to want to destroy her ego and has one of the biggest egos on the planet. Nicki Minaj calls Madonna “The Queen, bitch!” and then the song breaks down. I thought it was going to build to a dramatic explosive dance beat, but unfortunately the song ends! Groove interrupted!
6. Turn Up The Radio – A dance track a’la “Music” and “Hung Up.” There’s no need to preach – just throw your hands up, forget all your problems and have a great time! This is the Madonna that I love. I am starting to think Madonna should have actually called this album “Confessions on a Dance Floor” because when she named an album that a few years ago, it was more like “Kaballah Passages on a Dance Floor.”
7. Give Me All Your Luvin’ – This is not just the worst song on the album, but one of the worst Madonna has ever recorded. It would have fit in perfectly on “Hard Candy” where she worked with one-note producers such as Pharrell, Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Kanye West. Those guys might be able to make hits for themselves, but when they work with others, they just make everyone sound like imitations of them over the same old beats. BORING! The constant refrain of “L-U-V Madonna” is like nails on a chalk board to me and raps from MIA and Nicki Minaj do absolutely nothing for me. Ironically, Madonna sings about “every record sounding the same,” and that’s exactly what she’s done with this horrible piece of shit of a song. Madonna (and other 80s pop greats, read: Prince), the reason people love you is because you do what you want and MAKE the public adapt. If you cater to what the masses want, it makes it glaringly obvious that you are out for the money.
8. B-Day Song – This song is a fun little rock/dance track that sounds like Madonna’s demos from the early 80s. I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised at this record so far.
9. Superstar – Midtempo dance track. The chorus is “Ooh la la, you’re my superstar.” Nothing special, but it at least sounds like a Madonna track instead of a “let me work with the new ‘it’ producer even if the results are disastrous.”
10. I’m A Sinner – Mid-tempo dance track. She says “I’m a sinner. I like it that way.” It sounds a little bit like a remix of “Ray of Light,” so I assume this is one of the William Orbit-produced tracks. Another track that is not particularly memorable, but I’ll take “not memorable” over “horribly embarrassing” any day.
11. Masterpiece – A slow song. She compares love to art. Oh dear.
12. Falling Free – Another slow song. Pfff.
13. Love Spent – The beat picks back up again, but I have to say, my interest in this record is starting to wane. The lyrics are obvious jabs at Guy Ritchie.
14. I Fucked Up – A mid-tempo song that once again makes obvious jabs at Guy Ritchie. As history is written by the winners or by those who speak the loudest, Madonna basically says that in Guy’s opinion she fucked up, but Madonna isn’t perfect. Furthermore, Madonna cannot be anyone but herself and it’s her way or the highway. If she would have taken her own advice, she probably could have saved herself a lot of years because this advice she’s doling out is nothing new.
15. Beautiful Killer – Another dance track whose vocal delivery reminds me of “Die Another Day.” Not bad. Not a masterpiece.
Overall, I have to say, I am liking this record so much more than I thought I would. The sequencing of the songs seems like someone drew numbers out of a hat, which was perhaps done intentionally in the 2-second attention span world we live in? There are a handful of good tracks coupled with a handful of stinkers, which is normally a bad thing for a new artist, but if you look back at her last few albums, this is nothing out of the norm for Madonna. It’s nice to hear that Madonna has largely scrapped the vocoder, over the top producers and overtly preachy lyrics in favor of doing what Madonna does best, making a fun dance record.
What do you think?