“I Won The Internet! Daily Wit, Wisdom and Selfies, According to G” by Geoffrey Dicker. Out now!!!
“Does this status update make me look fat?”
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
A Hilarious New Book “I WON THE INTERNET! – DAILY WIT, WISDOM AND SELFIES, ACCORDING TO G.” To Be Released In September 2014
New York, NY (September 10, 2014) – Poet and blogger Geoffrey Dicker announces his third book, “I WON THE INTERNET! – DAILY WIT, WISDOM AND SELFIES, ACCORDING TO G,” which will be available to purchase through Amazon on September 20, 2014. The book chronicles some of the encounters of a “modern day Zelig” who has met a celebrity born on each day of the year (including Oprah Winfrey, Bono, Amy Winehouse, Adele, Morrissey, James Franco, Lady Gaga, Joan Rivers, Bryan Cranston, Jane Fonda and Ringo Starr) and presents his witty and uncensored one-liners and words of wisdom disguised as Status Updates and Tweets. Dicker encourages the reader to use this book as a guide to put them at the forefront of pop culture. It’s literally three books in one!
The book contains two sections of thoughtful and hilarious ideas for people to ponder and share online to make them the most popular person in their social media newsfeed. The third section is dedicated to “Selfies” which showcase a small portion of Dicker’s impressive celebrity autograph and selfie photo collection. Using this book as a daily calendar, readers get the chance to view these superstars and legends in the making in an entirely different light. The book features 365 exclusive color photographs of some of the biggest names in entertainment, music and art, and features cover art by pop artist Troy Gua.
“As a consumer of social media, I got sick of seeing people posting the same ideas and being afraid to voice their opinion as it might not be politically correct, so I’ve written this book to help people find new things to complain and laugh about. This book is my response to some of the good and not so good things I’ve experienced on line as well as some satire on social (and anti-social) media and the current state of the world. Plus, there are 365 exclusive color photos of celebrities!” Dicker said.
For celebrity enthusiasts, pop culture critics and aspiring social media superstars, this book is a must read. Featuring 365 exclusive color photos, the book is available in September 2014 from Amazon. Go viral!
About the Author
Geoffrey Dicker is a poet, lyricist and blogger. In its five year existence, his popular art and music blog According2g.com has posted over 6,500 original pictures, videos and reports of his adventures from celebrity encounters to attending art openings and reports of rock and roll concerts. He is the author of “Sketches of Verbal Alchemy,” a controversial collection of “abstract poetry,” maxims and aphorisms designed to make the reader think of new possibilities to age old problems. His second book “Unfinished Lyrics,” is an anthology of song lyrics he’s written inspiring three full length albums of his words that have been recorded by pop singer Jim Emmons (“In the Absence of Red,” “Throwing Stars” and “So Strange”). “I Won the Internet!” is his third book. He has taken more than 1,500 selfies with famous people and has amassed in excess of 25,000 autographs in his personal collection. He’s worked in the entertainment industry for over 20 years, both behind the scenes and in front of the camera. In his spare time he designs T-shirts, writes witty banter and creates abstract paintings. Geoffrey Dicker currently resides in New York City.
2014 is here! Everyone’s making their lists of resolutions and impossible goals. For those that are going to attempt to make it through the year sacrificing your true nature so you can trick your brain into thinking your martyrdom makes you a better person, stay gold! For the rest of us, here’s a list of more attainable challenges in 2014. Many of them are interrelated so the good news is, you can feel more productive by crossing multiple things off your list for the price of one.
And now, here are 14 things to avoid in 2014:
1. Using Facebook. It’s time we admit that Facebook doesn’t have the luster it once had. It used to be so fun to “connect” with old friends, minor celebrities and random people that loosely share our interests or that have “mutual friends” in common. It’s time we all admit that it’s a mostly just a bunch of bullshit. We don’t really care what these acquaintances are up to. Some people (myself included) tend to have ‘diarrhea of the status update’ and post stuff all day long. [Note: in my defense, the majority of stuff I post is for humorous purposes, despite the fact that most people completely miss the point.] Using your online voice has become a warzone of negativity, complaining, being politically discreet (which I will get to in a minute) and knowing too much about the mundane activities of people you actually don’t really care all that much for. Studies are coming to light that show that people that are heavy Facebook users are typically unhappy people because they are upset they are not getting some kind of reaction, be it too many or too little interactions or “likes,” which cannot be exchanged for any monetary value, I might add! As a result, people are going out of their way to do things for online attention. For some reason, nobody wants to admit it, but it’s a bubble that is getting ready to burst. Let’s also not forget that Facebook ads have ruined the experience by either filling your news feed with advertising or if you are sharing something, the majority of your “friends/followers” won’t even see your post unless you fork over cash to Facebook. If the phoniness of social media is a new concept to you, I recommend this article.
2. Being politically correct. As I said in my 2006 book “Sketches of Verbal Alchemy,” “Being politically correct or discreet is lying.” Everyone needs to relax! For some reason, we seem to be treating the actions of people that lived hundreds of years ago like these offenses just happened. As a result this group of people hates that group of people and it’s making the world have to collectively walk on egg shells so as not to upset some other group. It’s bullshit. I had nothing to do with wars that happened thousands of years ago. It sucks that they happened, but do not blame me for those things. NEITHER of us were there, so let’s learn from the mistakes of the past and start over! You are allowed not to like someone, just try not to be hateful about it. Do not blame an entire group for the actions of one person. Why then are people shocked when someone says something crappy about another person (or group of people) and then immediately has to issue the apology press release?! Guess what the person is really sorry for? They are sorry for having been told their opinion pisses people off. I’m not saying you should go out of your way to be racist, sexist or anything of that nature. What I am saying is if someone says something idiotic, don’t keep their hatred alive by constantly rehashing it on the news or social media. Ignore them and their hatred will also be ignored.
3.Endorsing hateful companies/people. This goes in tandem with ‘resolution’ number 2. If a group of “humanitarians” that sell fast food chicken feels the need to publicly utter hatred towards homosexuals and that really bothers you, DO NOT BUY THEIR PRODUCT! Bam. If zero people support a company that goes out of their way to be haters, simple mathematics tells you that 1,000,000 customers that spend zero money = $0. If you say you are going to boycott and then don’t, what you are doing is enabling and encouraging bad behavior.
4. Participating in celebrity gossip. With the advent of reality TV (which is as fake as fake can be), the entire world is clamoring for their 15 minutes of fame. Braggarts who’ve got nothing better to do than flaunt their bling or your lack thereof, people that are severely rich and people with such low opinions of themselves they need to resort to having major plastic surgery in order to feel accepted are becoming megastars. And why? Because, we as a society are enabling this bad behavior. Being famous and having a creative skill that nobody else has used to be what turned us on about celebrity and now becoming an irresponsible teen mom can make you a star. With the immediacy of the internet, we are being subject to hear about the comings and goings of these uninteresting people. Also with paparazzi stopping at nothing to get photos to sell to every gossip site (and the internet is being flooded with these sites that are all reporting the same stuff), people are eventually going to get hurt. Sure it will probably happen infrequently, but if we have to go through all the airport security with the infrequency of accidents that do happen, we shouldn’t have to put up with having to be subjected to all this gossip. Stop making stupid people famous!
5. Using kitschy language/hashtag abuse. I might lose my mind if I hear any of these phrases in 2014: “This gives me life,” “LOL” (when people aren’t actually laughing), “Wow…. Just wow,” “I have no words” (and yet, those ARE words), “Realness,” abbreviating the shit out of everything for the simplicity of a ‘txt msg’ and the overuse of hashtags. Thank you for captioning a photo of your lunch with things such as #lunch #bun #burger #person #human #photo #delicious #tomato #hamburger, but when I see a lot of hashtags in a photo caption, my first inclination is to #unfollow #your #ass.
6. Using our mobile devices so much. People have forgotten to live in the moment because for some reason they think every moment is worth documenting. Why stop to smell the flowers when you can stop to Instagram the flowers? People have forgotten how to interact in social situations because of these devices that are supposed to give us the illusion of feeling closer via “social media.” It’s more like anti-social media. It’s annoying to go to a concert to watch the entire crowd viewing the show through their phone (and not caring that their selfishness in holding up their phones is causing a chain reaction of everyone blocking each others view) and that spills out into other areas such as people stopping to send a message and being completely thoughtless in moving out of the way to do their personal business. It’s annoying to catch up with an old friend to find that they’d rather be texting or handing you their phone every 5 seconds so they can show you photos of what they are up to. Unless lives are at stake, we need to all get over the fact that none of us are really all that important and replying to emails/texts/social media can wait. LIVE IN THE MOMENT! The moment is fleeting.
7. Getting caught up in the hype. Have we not all learned by now that advertising is filled with subliminal messages that are the equivalent of a hypnotist convincing you that you are getting sleepy. The hype machine tells you to endorse lackluster product so you won’t look like an uncultured idiot when you are at the water-cooler on Monday. How many movies/books/TV programs that are utterly atrocious become #1 and therefore you feel the need to see what all the buzz is about only to actually have your faith in humanity shaken that people can be so stupid? Be an original and make up your own mind. Go with your gut. If something looks unappealing to you, chances are your gut instinct was correct. It takes a stronger person to say NO than to say YES!
8. Listening to the news. Do you ever hear of anything good that happens on the news? Rarely. Instead, you are being scared into submission with the news of robberies, murders, bad weather, massive cutbacks, world atrocities and with our “trusted” reporters offering no solution. Not to mention at any given time, some group of people are spewing hatred about another group and instead of snuffing it out, it’s being reported over and over ad-nauseum giving legs to a brief event such as the infamous “Janet Jackson Superbowl wardrobe malfunction” that in actually lasted for less than 10 seconds and was repeated over and over again for years. We should be hearing about what our politicians are doing with the money that our tax dollars are being spent on, so that if they are squandering our resources, they could be fired. If you worked for a company and you were up to shady activities or were being secretive about how you spend your time, you’d be fired. Why doesn’t that seem to apply to politicians? Why doesn’t anyone question this? Too busy being distracted by shiny objects?
9. Nostalgia. Let’s face it, The Smiths are not going to reunite. They had an impressive run of good albums in the 1980s, but it’s over. It’s 30 years later and for lots of reasons, they feel no need to tour around the world rehashing their old material. It’s far more interesting to see what a person becomes other than constantly revisiting what they once were. This also applies to remakes, sequels and bands reuniting. People want the familiarity of seeing new life in their precious characters, but rarely is the original bested. Leave it alone and quit trying to cheapen a beloved product for the sake of making money. Take a risk and come up with a new idea instead. What a concept!
10. Not swearing. As George Carlin so rightly pointed out once (and I am paraphrasing here), “There are over 5 million words in the English language and 7 of them are bad.” We’ve reached a point in our society where the word “fuck” is not just a verb any more. It’s also an adjective that has very little potency these days. And really, what’s the big fucking deal? It’s just a word, that is far less offensive than inflicting something bad on people (such as “hate,” “kill” or “murder.”) It might not be too much of a stretch to say that if more people spent more time “fucking,” there’d be less time for “hating.” Many of these “bad” words are in reference to body parts or body excretions and since the majority of the world either have these parts or do these actions, people need to quit being so sensitive and GET THE FUCK OVER IT! What is right or wrong to you might not be how I feel on the subject so quit trying to force your belief system on me. “Swearing” works for me so leave me the fuck alone about it!
11.Keeping fair-weather friends. Also in tandem with point #1, our society has tried convince you of the importance of keeping your numbers up. You may have 5,000 Facebook friends but are all those people REALLY your friends? Can you really count on that 5,000 if you are in a bind? You may have 100,000 Twitter followers, but are those people REALLY paying attention to your message? These days, you can buy followers/friends for as little as $5 US, so I advise you to choose quality over quantity.
12. Memes and Listicles. I am really over seeing a famous image captioned with the new phrase of the current millisecond. Come up with your own image if you think you are so clever! Also, there is really no need to point out ’15 things I should have learned’ from something as mundane as a TV show that was on the night before. It’s become apparent that people are so bored in life, they need something to try and fill the boredom, but there has to be a better way! How about coming up with a list of 15 things we should be doing instead of wasting our lives on the internet?
13. Binge Watching. Put down the remote control and say yes to real life experiences.
14. Being so serious. We pretend we know what life is all about and that we are in control to avoid the actuality that we pretty much have no idea what we are doing. It also doesn’t help that every human is only inhabiting this planet for approximately 110 years or less and deep down that totally freaks us out. Therefore, it is imperative to RELAX, LIGHTEN UP, STOP BEING SO SERIOUS and ENJOY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
So my list of top albums of 2012 will be divided into 3 sections. First will be my top 5 albums of 2012. Next will be 3 albums I like but I don’t love and finally will be the three biggest disappointments of the year.
My favorite 5.
Lonerism by Tame Impala
1. “Lonerism” by Tame Impala. Lana Del Rey’s album had been on heavy rotation with me for the first 9 months of the year and in October, when Tame Impala’s 2nd album “Lonerism” was released, I listened to it obsessively and still can’t get enough! As a whole, the album is a musical journey and experience of epic psychedelic proportions. Groovy guitars, rockin’ beats and lead singer Kevin Parker’s voice, which to me sounds like a perfect amalgam of John Lennon and George Harrison. I love this album so much I am already dying in anticipation for their next album (which as of press time isn’t coming out any time soon). My favorite track on the album is a song called “Feels Like We Only Go Backwards,” which seriously makes me feel like I am floating when I hear it. And if you can track down the non-album bonus track “Led Zeppelin,” it’s a must hear!
Born To Die by Lana Del Rey
2. “Born to Die” by Lana Del Rey. There are two camps: Lana lovers and Lana haters. It’s rare to see such a strong reaction to a singer, when there are artists out there that are obvious targets being completely devoid of talent. Lana Del Rey is gorgeous and has a unique voice that sounds like a tragic torch song singer. Her lyrics are all about being a bad girl and her adventures with bad boys. The music definitely is a throwback to another time and the album is packed with great songs. The heavenly and noir “Blue Jeans” and “Video Games” went viral and put Lana on the map. The album came out in January and in November, she released a special “Paradise Edition” with 8 additional tracks and the songs are just as epic as the regular album tracks.
A Thing Called Divine Fits by Divine Fits
3. “A Thing Called Divine Fits” by Divine Fits. Divine Fits is a super-group comprised of Britt Daniel from Spoon, Dan Boeckner from Wolf Parade (both on guitar and vocals), Sam Brown from New Bomb Turks (on drums) and Alex Fischel (on keyboards). This combination makes for a solid and quite funky garage rock album. I especially love the songs “For Your Heart” (with a great vocal delivery on the chorus “You better tell me why you keep me searching in the dark for your heart.”) and “My Love is Real” (which features another great line – “My love is real until it stops”).
Beacon by Two Door Cinema Club
4. “Beacon” by Two Door Cinema Club. I love Two Door Cinema Club. Their debut album made my best albums list when it was released in 2010 and I’m so happy to report that I enjoy their 2nd album so much. TDCC has a winning formula – short, sweet and to the point dance/rock songs that are all upbeat and instantly catchy. It’s hard to pick a favorite song since I like the entire record and I am so glad that there’s no sophomore jinx with Two Door Cinema Club.
Django Django by Django Django
5. “Django Django” by Django Django. The debut album from the British (via Scotland) quartet is hard to define sonically. It has elements of pop, rock, dance, shoegaze, grunge, garage rock, 90s alternative, chillwave and is another album that is very cohesive when you listen to it from start to finish. Lead singer Vincent Neff’s voice sometimes sounds like David Gilmour from Pink Floyd and sometimes Django’s music sounds like Syd Barrett era Floyd, without sounding derivative. So many of the songs including “Firewater,” “Love’s Dart,” “Life’s A Beach” and “Default” are so good that you will listen to them on repeat.
EP that I love:
5a. “Wake All My Youth” by Young Empires. When I discovered the music of Canadian dance/funk/punk band Young Empires, I fell in love at first listen. Every one of their songs is danceable and catchy and I had their 7 track EP on repeat for months on end. Since the EP was released, the trio has become a quartet (adding a drummer) and if you think the songs are good on record, wait until you hear them performed live. They are transformed into an even bigger and more rocking dance party and I am praying that 2013 sees a full length release from Young Empires.
Albums I like but don’t love.
Elysium by Pet Shop Boys
6. “Elysium” by Pet Shop Boys. You know how I love my boys! Their 2009 album “Yes” ranks amongst my favorite PSB albums and 25 years into their career, that is extra awesome. They decided to work with Kayne West’s producer (lord knows why) and record the album in LA, so you’d kind of expect upbeat and punchy songs that you could listen to as you drive down Pacific Coast Highway. Instead, the tracks are mostly slow and subdued. The first song “Leaving” is a perfect upbeat PSB track and the final song “Requiem in Denim and Leopard Skin” is an epic closing track (that sounds incredibly similar to “DJ Culture Mix” that was released in the early 90s). The B-sides from the album are quite good and they are a lot more upbeat than the album tracks and in fact a lot of the album tracks sound like they should be b-sides. It’s refreshing that Pet Shop Boys are still capable of making good music because many of their contemporaries have long since lost it.
Julian Plenti Lives by Paul Banks
7. “Banks” by Paul Banks. The lead singer of Interpol has made another solo record (and an EP). Rather than use his alter-ego Julian Plenti, Banks uses his real name for a collection of good but not great songs. He also released the EP “Julian Plenti Lives…” (as pictured above) in 2012. This is not to say there are not great songs on the album. The lead off song “The Base” is excellent (and my favorite track on the record). At the 2:37 mark when Paul sings “So steep,” is probably my favorite moment on the record. There are a lot of Interpol-worthy tracks such as “Young Again” and “I’ll Sue You,” but a some instrumentals and a couple sample heavy tracks leave me thinking this is more like album filler.
Coexist by The XX
8. “Co-Exist” by The XX. This is an album that I really enjoy when I listen to it from start to finish. It’s super mellow and is a really good early morning or late night album. The problem I find is that I often like to make a playlist where I put all of my current favorite albums in and hit shuffle and when I hear many of these songs individually, often they are not the right vibe I am looking for. In a way, it’s a casualty of the 2-second attention span generation to me. Now, what I’d love to see for both of The XX’ albums are remix albums with thumping beats. That would probably propel them into becoming one of my favorite groups.
The 2nd Law by Muse
9. “The 2nd Law” by Muse. The songs on this album that are good, are not just good, they are some of the best songs EVER. Opening up with the epic track “Supremacy,” the song is almost like an alt-rock version of “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen because it has elements of so many kinds of music in it. In terms of epic-ness, the song sounds like a James Bond theme and I freely admit, the first time I listened to it, my mouth dropped open – which is a feat that doesn’t occur very often. The lyrics are a continuation of “Uprising” which would become the world’s national anthem if it were up to me. The album also features really great and catchy rock songs like “Panic Station,” “Survival,” (whose first chorus is one of the best rock and roll moments of 2012) “Madness” and “Follow Me.” A dub-step instrumental and a handful of weak tracks towards the end of the record as compared to the genius of the way the album opens are the Achilles heel of the record stopping it from it achieving world dominance.
Magic Hour by Scissor Sisters
10. “Magic Hour” by Scissor Sisters. When I first heard this album, I had many “WTF?” moments, but the record grew on me over time. It appeared that in desperation to have a worldwide hit record, the very unique band worked with a bunch of “it” producers. I sort of understand this logic as they are huge in other parts of the world and their native United States just doesn’t seem to get it. I truly think it’s tragic as I’ve had so much fun over the years seeing them perform and their albums are filled with catchy dance music that is a lot more fun than your typical mainstream fare and perhaps that is why they’ve been one of America’s best kept secrets. If the US seemed to miss it from albums 1-3, the cat was let out of the bag with the summer anthem “Let’s Have A Kiki” which is an expression that has deservedly worked its way into the pop culture vernacular.
Albums that really disappointed me.
Gwen Stefani and Adrian Young of No Doubt.
11. “Push and Shove” by No Doubt. I’m from Orange County, California where No Doubt are from, so not only have I been a fan of theirs for longer than you have, but I’ve been waiting more impatiently than you for a new record. I think the band started to really lose creativity after their breakthrough album “Tragic Kingdom” was released. They started to sound less like themselves and became “No Doubt lite” in attempt to sell more records. Not to say they didn’t have some good songs, but overall both post-Tragic Kingdom albums were stinkers. Lead singer Gwen Stefani’s solo albums are both terrible and completely soul-less despite working with every “it producer” under the sun. Setting my standards really low for the new album, it surpassed my expectations and was even worse than I could have imagined! Squeaky clean No Doubt ballads? Obviously the band all has kids now and they’ve made it known that they would record only in between feeding times and family obligations. The bad thing is, I thought they’d be able to conceal it better, but it clearly shows in the extremely dull tracks they have convinced themselves into saying in public are their best material.
12. “MDNA” by Madonna. Another dull record. Madonna tries to act like someone 20 years younger both on stage and on record – on stage by still showing the world her tits and on record by working with the flavor of the month producers. STOP DOING THAT! Just make a Madonna record! Give us a dance groove that is irresistible and makes us want to forget our cares and throw our hands in the air. That’s why the world fell in love with Madonna and that’s what people really want to hear. Inserting raps by Nicki Minaj (with her touting how great Madonna is) is fucking embarrassing and not necessary. Her song “I Don’t Give A” which is all about how much Madonna multitasks makes me feel as much pity for her as I do for spoiled rotten rich people that are complaining how hard they have it. This mixed bag collection also features songs that sound like pale imitations of old songs, and it makes the listener want to reach for her older music instead. Madonna shouldn’t be counted out entirely because she made the song “Gang Bang” which is unlike any song she’s ever done before and that gives me hope much more than her “poor me syndrome” and Kaballah filled lyrics give me.
Shirley Manson of Garbage
13. “Not Your Kind of People” by Garbage. It’s great that mid-90’s alt-rockers Garbage have set aside their differences and made a new record. Many of the songs sound like classic era Garbage tracks but they suffer from not having the hooks that make you want to listen to their early stuff on repeat. I love the track “Blood For Poppies” a lot, but I admit that it had to grow on me before I really fell in love with it, whereas I used to find myself falling in love instantly with Garbage songs. Though the album is a little uneven, I won’t miss seeing them live because they still know how to rock an audience!
What were your favorites? What disappointed you? Don’t be shy. But let’s keep the discussion on music, ok?