Just like you, I am not a big fan of the news. We hardly ever hear of anything positive and some of the stories just seem like bold faced lies. If you want my honest opinion, I think it’s a bunch of shit. That all changes today. Keep your browser tuned into According2g.com, where you’ll read about all the news from A to G on GNN – The G Noose Netwerk.
Today in the noose:
CHRIS BROWN says he still feels for RHIANNA. He feels like he wants to beat her again and then deny it ever happened.
The United States is trying to extradite ROMAN POLANSKI from Switzerland. Clearly, there’s nothing else more pressing in the country than solving a 30 year old crime.
NOKIA sues APPLE. Reports run rampant that pears are looking into litigation with grapes.
COOKIE JOHNSON, wife of basketball legend MAGIC JOHNSON, is introducting a line of jeans for “curvy but fit women.” How original. Speaking of MAGIC JOHNSON, ISIAH THOMAS claims to be hurt by a new book that MAGIC wrote. Apparently, ISIAH dropped the tome on his foot and it hurts!
Tennis star CAROLINE WOZNIACKI is being investigated for possibly throwing a tennis match. I wouldn’t bet on it.
Football pro CEDRIC BENSON, who was dumped by the Bears after two alcohol related offenses says he has a score to settle with them. He further went on to say, “Meet me at Blake’s lounge tonight and I’ll drink your ass under the table.”
There’s a scramble to get the H1N1 vaccine out to the public. A spokesperson said “We’re very excited for you to see our release slate for upcoming diseases that we’re rolling out for the Christmas season.”