Photo by G. Art by Mr. Brainwash.
2010 is not Prince’s year. Here’s a brief summary of why it sucks to be Prince in 2010.
- Prince writes a fight song called “Purple and Gold” for the football team the Minnesota Vikings. The song is regarded by legions of die-hard fans as not just the worst Prince song ever written, but the worst song ever written by any artist.
- A baby wins a lawsuit against Prince. Last year, a mother posted a video of her baby dancing to the song “Let’s Go Crazy” on Youtube and Prince’s people sued for copyright infringement. He lost.
- Revelations Perfume & Cosmetics is about to sue Prince for not properly promoting his new fragrance “3121.” It was recently ruled that the suit is legitimate and fraud charges against the singer are to be filed.
- A bootleg called “Box O’ Chocolates” containing some of Prince’s best loved unreleased songs leaks for free in near-perfect sound quality. The purple one has let these unreleased gems rot away in a vault instead of letting people hear them and now if he decides to dust off these tracks, his die-hard fans already have them in sound quality that is very close to an official release. All of the songs were recorded in “the golden age” of Prince during the period of 1984 – 1987. The tracks include “Wonderful Ass,” “Girl O’ My Dreams,” “We Can Funk,” “A Place In Heaven,” “All Day, All Night,” “Data Bank,” and “Witness 4 The Prosecution.”
- Prince’s short lived fan site Lotusflow3r is not continuing for a second year. Fans were charged $77 for a 1-year membership. It was rumored that 8 albums worth of unreleased material would be available for download on this site, rare videos would be offered and fans would get priority access to concert tickets. It turns out that Prince only played in Los Angeles, Monte Carlo, Minnesota and Paris during this time, so if you did not live in or visit those cities, access to pre-sale concert tickets was for naught. The members received a free download of his triple album set that was for sale at Target for a much cheaper price of $11.99, a handful of streaming (and not downloadable videos) consisting primarily of videos that his die-hard fans have had for years, and a few (but not all of the members) received a free T-shirt. What fans also received was finding out exclusive Prince news on other sites long before he posted the information to paying customers.
- Prince gives a new song called “Cause and Effect” to a Minneapolis radio station. A 15-second teaser consisting of an electrifying guitar solo leaks a few days prior leaving fans totally disappointed when the rest of the song turns out to sound nothing like the teaser, but instead like a really bad cover version of a Prince song.
- Prince is forced to pay an Irish promoter nearly $3 million for canceling a 2008 concert in Ireland at the last minute after over 55,000 tickets had already been sold.
- Prince owes the state of Minnesota a figure somewhere between $200,000 and $400,000 in unpaid property taxes and authorities are reporting this is not the first time they’ve had to chase Prince for the money.
According2g, here’s what Prince should do:
- Treat your fans better. In the digital age, even legends are quickly forgotten.
- Before you record another note, go back and listen to some of your old stuff to remember what it sounds like to make an amazing track.
- Quit suing fans. It just makes you look like an asshole.
- Pay your taxes.
- Release some live DVDs from past tours to appease die-hard fans and introduce your wonderful world to legions of new fans.
- Dust off some of the stuff in your legendary vault. What is the point of recording a song a day for the last 30 years if nobody is going to be able to hear any of it?
- Do not succumb to peer pressure and work with “it” producers, though a duet every now and again might be fun.
- Follow through with the promises you make. Your word is the law. If you can’t deliver the content, why bother teasing fans?
- Read According2g.com every day (just thought I’d throw that one in for good measure).
Come back Prince, music needs you!!!