5 Creative Ways to Find a Job in the Great Depression of 2011

Posted by The G on October 1, 2011 under The G Spot | Comments are off for this article

Why so serious, G?  We’re in a depression.  Fuck what the media tells you.  What do they know?  Fear gets higher ratings.  I cannot solve all of your problems at once, but I can try and make you laugh.  Here are 5 creative ways to find a job in 2011 that you might not have thought of.

1.       Offer sexual services.  One blow job for a steady paycheck.  You do the math.
2.       Use all caps in your cover letter.  The HR drone who processes the paperwork will probably throw your resume in the garbage, but it was going to happen anyway.  At least you stand out from the crowd.
3.       Rather than attach your resume, send them your Grandmother’s secret Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe.  Then send a follow up email saying you demand a meeting as you promised to take the secret recipe to your grave.
4.       Threaten to kill yourself if you don’t get the job during the interview.  Best case, you get the job.  Worst case, they lock you up – but then you won’t have to worry about finding a job.
5.       Beg.  What’s wrong with good old fashioned begging?  Huh?  Tell me.  What’s wrong with it?  Come on.  Tell me….

Let us know how these tips worked out for you!

Headline Noose

Posted by The G on October 24, 2009 under GNN | Comments are off for this article

Today on GNN, here are some stories that people are talking in circles about.

The BALLOON BOY’S mother MAYUMI HEENE admits the incident was a hoax to try and land another reality TV show. I guess their bubble has burst.

80 years ago today, the stock market crashed to begin THE GREAT DEPRESSION.  Not much has changed except now there are prescription pain killers and cell phones.

KIM KARDASHIAN is 29.  That’s 28 years and 364 days more than anyone cares.

Rocker PETER CRISS of KISS announced that he successfully beat breast cancer.  You can’t say he’s a boob.

ESPN baseball analyst STEVE PHILLIPS admitted that he had an affair with a 22 year old production assistant.  And gay marriage is still illegal?  Just sayin’.

Rapper 50 CENT said that he wanted to be in the upcoming remake of THE A-TEAM but was rejected.  A spokesperson said “the movie already sucks enough without you in it.”

TOYOTA has announced a luxury LEXUS priced at $375,000.  File this under when rich people have nothing else to spend their money on.

Golf legend TIGER WOODS faces off against a 12 year old boy.  And people gave Michael Jackson grief.

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